Before it all dwindles away...

Lexy made the comment the other day that no one had been writing on the blog. It was dying. Mike came back, racing resumed,(unofficial) summer came around and I took up a 40 hr/week job (whine, whine, whine) and suddenly, writing on this silly little thing didn't seem all that important.

And then I got sad and my friend Christine asked how I was doing and I said, "not too well" and she said, "well, are you writing?" Then I remembered how I used to write a ton as a little kid and as an emo high schooler, but then sort of fell out of the habit once college and bikes took over. I try every once in awhile to write, but usually it's just poems in German that I quickly read over then crumple up less someone who knows German and can recognize terribly written poetry finds it. I hadn't actually written, pen-to-paper style, in far too long. So it's about time. Only, I suppose saving the blog isn't saving my pen-to-paper draught. Oh well. You can't win at everyting.

Sometime last week I was bombing down some trail within the Ledford Maze at Bent Creek, not really paying attention to anything apparently, because suddenly, my handlebars clipped a tree and I went flying off my bike. I tumbled to the ground, my bike a few feet beyond the tree and me a few feet beyond that. I was only a little scrated up, but I sat there for a while, feeling really disappointed with myself and hurt, and I realized that that pretty much summed up my mental state of the past few weeks.

I've been agonizing over a boy. And basically, it feels like getting tossed off my bike and laying in a sorry pile of pain where no one else is aware of what's going on because I'm half-lost somewhere in some maze, alone and pissed at myself. And not wanting to get up at all.

That's been going on for too long now, and the other night, I rejected my friends' offer to go see the Sex and the City movie with them (I'm admitting right here, and here only, that I actually kind of like that show. Please don't tell anyone.) I couldn't do it. I couldn't see people run around being all happy and dumb and having their stupid little love lives work out for them in the end. So instead I did my favorite 2 hour road loop from my house and sat at some overlook on the Parkway, feeling very much like I did the other day after getting tossed, only this time there was no literal tossing. I then got a call from the very same Christine mentioned earlier (I'm admitting right here and here only that I do, also, carry a cellphone with me when I ride. Please don't tell anyone else that, either. My reputation is going down the drain...) and she said the group of girls were instead coming over to my house to make dinner. Friends. Sigh. They're there for you, sometimes, usually at key times. And I love them for that.

And today, when I frantically called Lexy to see if he could pick me up a case of Sierra Nevada Pale Ales from Ingles (because the West Asheville Ingles were plumb out, and I needed a case, NOW)...he said, "sure" with no questions asked. I'll let you know what the case is for if it winds up working out for me. The case is an integral part to a huge masterplan. Which probably won't work out at all, because I later got a call from Lexy saying the Swanannoa (or Oteen, who knows?) Ingles was also out of cases. Bad sign. I'll have to get one on the way to work tomorrow. But I'm determined to see this plan carried out, whether it works or not.

So anyway, I'm here, drinking a Keystone Light because since the end of my ride today til now, two hours later, I couldn't wait for a beer. But the Yuenglings and ESB's were gone. And who the hell else would drink the last Keystone Light? Kind of like my Banana popsicles in the freezer---there's no point in calling dibs on shit no one else likes, I guess.

I'm supposed to go meet Christine (yup, same one, props to that girl for being awesome) and Chelsea at the Admiral, my favorite bar in West Asheville because its a perfect sqaure and the name reminds me of pirates. I really just want to shower and go to bed, but I might learn something from these girls tonight. Plus, I appreciate the hell out of them.

Which is what the point of this post was, in case you missed it. I wouldn't blame you. My head's not here right now, I'm in a perpetual state of being about to crash into trees lately, becuase of this boy and my desire to make it up to him, somehow. But in the meantime...all my friends that do talk to me--I love you guys. A lot. Thanks for being there.