Blitzkrieg Tour of Central Florida--Without Even a Single Gator Sighting. Dang.

After a week of shuffle-board tournaments, Jimmy Buffet dance parties, and eating deep-fried snickers for dinner every night, the Florida-inspired Spring Break '08 (Asheville Edition) ended with a caravan of sorts back to the State that is South of the South--Flawda.

Ryan and Ian left at a rediculously early hour (eight or something nuts like that), then Dan and Joe took off an hour later, followed about another hour later by Kylie and Mike, plus a special guest, Lexy Lewis.  The latter made his decision at the very last minute with the words, "hey, you think I still have time to pack?" Kylie and Mike rejoiced with a "Hell yeah, get your stuff...we're going to Florida!"  And so it became three Ashevillians setting out to invade the Swamplands for a weekend of shenaniganning and bike riding.

And this is where it becomes everything that I love about America: the disgusting yet wonderful waste that is the road trip. Who the hell besides our dumb-fuck nation would enjoy--take pride in, even--driving 18 hours round trip in three days for the chance to ride a bike somewhere else, sleep in someone else's house, and shop at a different grocery store chain? In the words of the Great Kevin Arthur Biggs, "'Tevs yo." (That's short for "whatever, yo.")

I think the perfect symbolism for the Road Trip is the amount of coffee and sugar that is generally consumed while driving.  It creates a very surreal and dangerous contentment mixed with a uncontrollable cracked out feeling of invincibility and relentless energy (which isn't exactly needed within the confines of an automobile, but 'tevs yo.)  This creates the paradoxical state of feeling simultaneously amazing and sick to your stomach with disgust of yourself.  That, my fellow Americans, is the road trip.

But on the flip side, its fun to spend hours with your close friends, starring out the window, talking only every once in awhile--whenever a random thought presents itself and interesting enough to share with the others.  And in a single day you can go from late winter in the Blue Ridge Mountains to the dinosaur-era, malaria-infested, 80-degree forests of central Florida. It's magical, to say the least.

Two days and two bike races later (one wasn't really a race--it was more just cruising alongside other goons, peddling through hub-deep puddles, sand, mud pits, and sometmes even amazingly fun singletrack in the fragmented woods of downtown Gainesville--friggen awesome!!) The other race was more serious and expensive, so we don't want to talk about that.

Then we went home, back to 17 Nebraska, which at some point over the past week was re-Christianed by Ian Knabe as "17 Viertel" with an official sign post and everything. So basically, Mikey owns us. 'Tevs yo.

Florida boys travel upstream for Spring Break '08 and once again, no one knows where Ian is...

Since, well it was supposed to be around 3 pm, but then it was more like 4:30, probably, but then actually wound up being after 6 on Friday that the first installment of the Guys from Flawda came up for Spring Break '08. Originally known only as "The Monosyllables" Dan and Joe are actually two great, personality-full, young men with secret talents ranging from stylish bicycle riding to steller beer-pong abilities to suave Jack Johnson impersonations.  Two days later, another couple of Flawidians came up: Ian "No, Stop! Please but that down!" Knabe and (the future) Dr. Ryan Fisher, Ph.D.  Since then, the house has been full of Mortal Kombat tournaments, rediculously non-sensical conversations, basement hockey, and other random mini-adventures.  

An example of the latter is the dare that Mike imposed on and took up by himself: the eating of 10 Festino's frozen pizzas. Ingles was having a deal--ten pizzas for $10, so Mikey figured he could prove his manhood and thrifty grocery shopping skills by eating 10 in one sitting. Too bad he pussed out after 6 1/2 or something, though. In the words of Brent Brookwalter, "You're so weak you disgust me."

Besides that, the Caravan of Disaster, otherwise know as Joe's Pathfinder has taken the group of hardcores (i.e. the Florida boys plus some random girl from Ohio) has taken Joe, Dan, Ian, Dr. Fisher, Mike and me on some very Pisgahwesome mountain bike rides. The weather has been pseudo-spring/Florida style, so the riding has been exceptionally nice--and this week by far makes up for last week's five days straight of road riding.

To explain myself about that last comment, I just got this bling-bling road bike from C.S.M from Ski Country: "Seven Bills" as the Flawda boys say for this titanium wonder with a darn-good build (or Gruppo, as the snob-ass roadies say).  Ever since first laying eyes on Timmy-from-Flagstaff's Rigor Mootis with the dented top-tube, my ultimate final fantasy four has been to own a Ti bike. Titanium is an obscure element that is found only in bicycles and robots, and its exceptionally great for the former because 1) its uber-lightweight and feels oh-so-good 2) it can be melted down into a wedding ring whenever the time comes, and 3) as Art Shuster says, "You could leave it in the bed of your truck and piss on it for a year and it'd still be rideable." In conclusion, this bike is a dreamboat. But enough of this Ode to My Bike...I was terrified that I might be turning into a roadie, so this week of amazing mountain bike rides in the Pisgah area with the Flawda boys has been reassuringly amazing. 

And tomorrow we're traveling back to their Native Panhandle for SERC #1 and the Tour of Gainesville. I have four goals, of which I'm hoping to fulfill at least three: Punch a gator, podium at the SERC, play shuffle-board with a retiree, and drink mojitos on the beach.  I also want to play kickball and watch Mike eat another 6 1/2 frozen pizzas. 

That's all. Now get back to doing something worthwhile, you loser.

Cheers,

Kylie

man cookies

The past couple days have been quite calm and relaxing at 17 Nebraska. Last night Mike taught me how to make cookies which was quite fun. But when I put the dough on the baking sheets to bake them he didn't tell me how huge my mounds of dough really were, so when I pulled them out of the oven there was one large cookie that Mike and I deemed a "man cookie". Mike actually did the same thing with his cookies 15 minutes later. I guess this means that we are both real men.

I have recently started a new job for a new tree compnay called Above All Tree Service. A catchy name with a catchy slogan. "We trim your trees, not your wallet". It is all about the sales pitch, right? But working outside again all day has been a breath of fresh air for a number of different reasons. It is great to be able to use skills that I have for good and not for evil. For example, today I spent 3 hours in a large oak tree removing it so that it wouldn't pose as a potential roof remover. I smell like sawdust and gasoline, and the ladies love it... well, one REALLY likes it.

This weekend and the following week are going ot be ridiculous cause we have got some really good people coming up to the house. Tons of bike riding to be done. Tons of beer to be drank, and hopefully not too many wrestling matches, but with Ian coming up, who the hell knows?

-Lexy

Palentines Day Recap and Visual Introductions

Palentines Day is a tradition I picked in Tallahassee, where, traditionally, those who are single (and don't feel like wasting money on a random date) spend the evening dinning, dancing, and laughing with your "pals".  Traditionally couples weren't allowed but we decided to make an exception for Lexy and Christine - plus we thought it would be a great chance to try and make them feel awkward and they both brought some good beer.

The menu consisted of: Baquettes, Butternut Squash Bisque, Savory Marinated Tofu, Kale, Long Grain Wild Rice, Texas Style Pork Ribs with a Ginger Sauce, Lemon Vanilla Angle Food Cake with a Raspberry and Blueberry Glaze, Ice Cream, and Wine. (all home made except the wine and ice cream)

Busted!  Teef thought he could hide the wine.

Phil couldn't decide between wine or the high life.

We made Lexy and Christine sit at the head of the table.

Alexis/Alex/Tina and Kylie.

Did you see Tina's hair?  Damn Kylie looks good in that dress!

Desert was served.

Apparently Lint doesn't apply on Palentines day.

Phil and Tina danced among the boxes of records and wowed us with their moves.

D.A. Maximus Wins Primary in a Landslide

With the return of cold nights and mornings the electric blankets that Lexy's dad graciously bought have once again become the favorite item of them house. For a while we had a taste of what people were calling "springy" weather or what I like to call "Florida Winter" weather. Either way it was a nice change from the back to back days of below freezing lows. I can't wait for spring - not just for the warmer weather but for the beauty that it brings. 

Last night Kylie, Megs, and I went to Lowes and bought some seeds to start a garden with. I also bought five differnt varieties of sunflowers, some of which are suppose to reach a height of sixteen feet!  Now when we give people directions to the house we can tell them to look for the giant sunflowers.
I also purchased some smaller, and colored, varieties so that we can have cut flowers for our house and friends.  Plus we always had sunflowers in our garden(s) when I was growing up, so it just seemed like an essential item to purchase.  In addition we picked up several packets of vegetable and herb seed.  So far for herbs we have - dill, mint, tarragon, basil, thyme, and there's already a hedge of rosemary growing next to the carport.  On the veggie side we have - cherrie, roma, and early girl tomatoes, black beauty eggplant, red onion, a mixture of bell peppers, mesclun greens, plus bibb and grand rapids lettuce -  yellow squash, zucchini, some form of (green) pole beens, potatoes and a few others still need to be purchased.

"There's just something about the perfect spiral of a well-tossed football"--Lexy

The past couple of days have been rediculously pleasant and spring-like, so the past few evenings Lexy, Lateef and I tossed either a football, a baseball, the shit, or all three at once as the daylight faded into the smell of Mike's wonderful cooking. And of course the bike riding has been so far off the proverbial hook--yesterday Mike and I rode the Black Mountain trail with some locals goons, and it reminded me of how friggen incredible the riding is in Pisgah. Somewhat worldly for a 21 year old, I've ridden my fair share of epic rides out west--Wasatch Crest Trail, the 401 trail in Crested Butte, crap like that....but nothing, and I mean nothing, compares to the wonder that is Pisgah National Forest. I mean, the mandatory hike-a-bike up rock faces (even if you're an incredible badass, just plain nuts, or Marshall Hance) followed by gnar-gnar descents that drop you through rhodo forests, creek crossings, and the realization that this is the best fucking place ever.

I'm also currently very content with the length of day: the sun rises as I go for my morning run and is setting by the time I'm finishing my day's ride, which means I get to see, twice daily, the amazing sky patterns that result from VOC's, HC's and other air pollutants that hover over the Blue Ridge Mountains and make for stunning views. I mean, crazy pinks over amazing blues--a swath of pastels over the bold blueish-gray outline of the mountains. It's beautiful, but it kinda stinks that the sprawl of West Asheville sorta gets in the way. I wish I were deeper in the woods, but I suppose that would just mean a farther walk to Ingles. So it's a give-and-take, I guess.

And then there was last night: Megs and Mike came up with the idea of having a Hipster party, which would give Mike an excuse to wear tight jeans and Megs and excuse to oggle boys in tight jeans--but this idea exploded into one hell of a house party. An incredible all-star cast of characters showed up and a series of micro-parties formed throughout the house, resulting in a several forums of crazy antics, good conversations, half-assed dance parties, flip-cup, Pat wrenching on bikes (as would be expected), hook-ups, new friendships, two random dogs running amok, people crashing on couches, people crashing on Mike's bed so that he had to sleep on the floor in his own house, and so on...The party ended at about 3 am, and the house was cleaned (except for the sticky-ass disgusting kitchen floor, but whatever...) by 9:30 the next morning, so it was awesome. But of course we didn't take any pictures, and apparently no quotes resulted (as nothing was added to our quote board, sigh) so we really don't have any proof that this ever happened. And now we're sitting here, about as groggy as the grey, rain-filled sky, ears still ringing, contemplating a road ride, appreciating the lack of earnest that is a Sunday afternoon.

The moral of this story, or "post" as blogspot would have it, is that adult life isn't too bad. It's awesome, in fact. And spring is going to make it even better...especially once we get a basketball and start poaching the hoop down the street from us. It's going to be non-stop pick-up sports, and we can have social gatherings outside so that our kitchen floor doesn't get so sticky. I can't wait.

And a certain someone will be here in three weeks, which has created a sort of perma-grin on my face, and the segmentation of my life into "this weekend, then next, which will be tree work, then the next weekend, which is when I go to Cleveland, then that next weekend, when he gets here!!!" Also, race season starts in a month, which is super, and I registered for the GRE's today too, so its time to get serious. Well, more or less.

Poetry Class

I wrote some haikus because I get bored at work. They go like this:

Lexy likes a girl
so he drives to dub-dub-c
and is never home.

You ate all my bread
so go me a six-pack
God fucking dammit!

Lexy's dad David
bought us electric blankets
now we sleep better.

Mike went for a ride
four hours all over, then
crashed in the driveway.

Lateef has a cane
and the adoration of
sorority girls.

Phil is our "Kimmy"
He doesn't live here but he
kinda sorta does.

Our recycling bins
are always overflowing--
we drink too much beer.

Megs, shut up, don't go
home yet, its only eight and
too early for bed.

Bikes bikes bikes bikes bikes
bikes bikes bikes bikes bikes bikes bikes
bikes bikes bikes bikes bikes.

Kylie thinks of Dan
and Lexy thinks of Christine
while Phil and Mike spoon.

Ahh, every morning
New York Times, eight cups coffee
all to myself. Nice.

Alex is Tina
also known as Alexis
she also lives here.

Alex is Tina
also know as Alexis
she wears micro clothes.
--(coutesty of Phil)

In the living room
A beer in my hand, I think
Dang, this ain't too bad.
--(also courtesy of Phil)

Sqeezing into pants
Holding my breath I zip up
on the town we go!
--(also courtesy of Phil, again)

The last two is in reference to Phil and Mike spending the evening trying on Tina and Kylie's jeans in preparation for this weekend's Hipster party. Which reminds me of one of my favorite quotes ever, from one of the best books ever:
"I'm so unhip its a wonder my bum stays on."
Last weekend the Floriduh kids came up for the Icycle. It was awesome. You should have been there.